May 29, 2007.  Chassidy is in Africa.  It's still weird to write that,  and know that it's real.  I think that being a parent is about a lot of little "letting-go's."  With Chas, it started with mission trips, as soon as she was old enough to go on them. And we laugh about the scars....falling down a mountain in the Appalachians (left leg),  getting caught in a riptide in Galveston (other leg)....total destruction of every piece of clothing that she took (most mission trips,  SuperSummer, etc.)  Dumpster diving (Murphy, N.C..)  She did manage to get back from Tokyo reasonably intact,  albeit with an inordinate fear of large seafood. (Fish market tour. Don't ask.) 

And we laugh in my Sunday school class, because of a comment I made one sunday. "You know how parents are always scared their kids are going to be called to Africa.....I wonder if African parents are afraid their kids are going to be called to America."  And we all laughed and laughed. Poor fools.  So, Chassidy and Katie are both off to Africa- those same girls in the video of the 1990 CBC Christmas pageant- the precious little tots in bouffant dresses and ringlets and little Mary Janes.  Nowadays, you could not get near either one with a ruffle- more like blue jeans and thrift store t-shirts, and, for Chassidy, a flip-flop collection of fearful proportions.  And an all consuming love for Jesus. I always thought that I would worry more about some of the older five kids- stuff like driving after a few too many cervezas, or the demons that some of them battle every day, and win  I think sometimes I am more scared for Chas, because of her fearless love for Jesus, and the fact that she will do whatever, whenever, wherever, He says. And I know that God loves her, even more than I do. I also know that He has a wonderful, perfect plan for her life.  Home has become mostly a place to unpack for a few days, or weeks, if I am lucky. Being a mom is about a lot of letting-go's....some little, some big.  I do know that I cannot stand in the way of God. And I know that this awesome young woman of God is still my little Chassy Bear, who curls up next to me every night that she is home, and we talk, and laugh, and love each other. And Katie is still my other daughter, who can walk in without knocking, and knows which shelf her polar bear cup is on, and that I almost always have peanut butter for her.  I am so proud of  both of them, and of all my kids. They have taught me to love with open hands. Because if you don't learn to open your hands, you can't receive anything either.  Selah.     

One of the journaling exercises on the Seven Habits study we're doing in Youth ministry was  this- get in your car, turn off the stereo, and open yourself to what God wants to say to you-basically turn off your inner and outer noise.  So, I listened.  And the thing that He kept telling me was "let me fight your battles for you." Which, somewhat paradoxically, I have been struggling with. While I thought about that, for some reason I kept hearing the music from one particular wednesday night, Tim and Chassidy did "You are God Alone". But Tim and Chassidy weren't there in that gym; they were before an audience of One. Their voices so completely filled that space with praise, there was no room for anything else.You should have seen their faces- kinda like Moses with a dimmer switch . It came to me that the God that inhabited their praise on that night was surely worthy of my trust. He is the same God that opened Elisha's eyes to the heavenly army,  who parted the red sea for the children of Israel.  He burned up Elijah's sacrifice to the extent that the molten remains created an element found only one other place on earth- Hiroshima.  He spoke creation into being, while I struggle to keep one scraggy plant alive... He loved us enough to send us a saviour in a form we understood- a baby who grew into a man so complex in his simplicity that he confounded the wise men of his day.  A man who loved us, and loves us still, so much that He left all of heaven weeping to come to us where we are. And He's getting a place ready for us to come to where He is. Are you not totally freaked out by that? Are you overwhelmed with joy at the very idea of eternity with Him?

(1) WOOOO-HOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!

(2) Selah.